Europe's plan to improve English

The European Commission have just
announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the
EU rather than German, which was the
other possibility. As part of the
negotiations, Her Majesty's government
conceded that English spelling had
some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5 year phase in plan that
would be known as "EuroEnglish":

In the first year, "s" will replace
the soft "c"-- Sertainly this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favor
of the "k". This should klear up
konfusion and keyboards kan have 1
less letter.

There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome "ph" wil be replaced
with the "f". This will make words
like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of
the new spelling kan be expected to
reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible. Governments will
enkorage the removal of double
letters, which have always been a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al
wil agre that the horible mes of the
silent "e"'s in the language is
disgraceful, and they should go away.

By the 4th yar peopl wil be reseptiv
to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze
fifz yar, ze unesesary "o" kan be
dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and
similar changes vud of kors be aplid
to ozer kombinations of leters. After
zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil
find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU